Midnight memories

I remember when my family got cable television for the first time, when I was a little kid back in the 90's. My younger sister introduced me to three channels, apparently being more up to date than I was on the subject. On of such channels was Multishow, which is dedicated to high arts, the artistic world, interviews with sophisticated people and foreigner television shows. But I would later find out they would have some dirty little secrets: soon past midnight, they had this block called Sexy Time. It was a timeslot dedicated to adult material for those not so interested in Just for Laughs.

My father had the habit of recording such shows for himself, and he had minimal interest in hiding his tapes from us, maybe thinking I was too dumb to know how to operate a VHS tape. I remember I had a blast once watching - in my balcony, at daylight - a tape that was mostly about "going down" (and if I remember it well, mostly for her pleasure). But nothing really beats what my dad did next, when he recorded Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie for us. It was priceless: the tape he recorded it in had some Sexy Time, and for the first five minutes, there was a recording of a gypsy woman stripping until she was topless. Only then, the Power Rangers kicked in. Now, in my father's defence, he probably thought "meh, it's just boobs".

Now, it's very important to notice here that, as a middle class Brazilian family in the mid-90's, we didn't have the internet that we have today. I was certainly not accustomed to that, so in many ways, Sexy Time was a rite of passage. And it wasn't just for me: at school, you had "the cool boys", who would sleep later those nights in order to see said boobs. They would brag about it in the classroom, without realising that years later, bragging publicly about watching porn would be among the last things they would want to do. Our classes used to start at midday, so we didn't mind staying up a little bit later at night to watch that stuff.

Sexy Time was never hardcore, but it wasn't "soft" neither. It was something clearly not meant for little boys. Let's just say Multishow didn't have a lot of insight hiding it deeper into the witching hour.

Given the rise of internet pornography, Sexy Time eventually succumbed: it had no real reason to exist, in a similar fashion with Blockbuster after Netflix. It was outdated, as now pornography is customised, easier, more accessible and for free. And Playboy last year quitting nudes - something utterly unimaginable maybe not so long ago - only pinpoints that. Sexy Time became a relic of our memories, something teenager boys hear from us grandpas today when we describe them our ancient times, of how we had fun. Something of a very awkward yet fond memory from many 90's Brazilian kids such as myself.

In the time between when I discovered Sexy Time to when I started being introduced to internet porn, I discovered other sexually-themed shows in the wee hours of other cable channels. But I didn't like them: I looked condescendingly at shows such as Sexcetera, as the simple idea that they were actually censoring the genitals - or showing people talking instead of just striping off - made me feel cheated. But having easier access to pornography later in life did allow me to watch such softcore shows from a different perspective. Now that I had a supply of porn at my disposal, I came to realise what was the point of such shows. There was pornography, and then there were the tales, the actual grinds to that world. Curiosities and whatnot.

I started to look beyond the sexuality, and to see the chronicles of those behind that industry; mostly decent folks trying to make some money with their God-given attributes. There was one guy - tall, bearded and with a long metal hair - who used to be visited by his mother on set! I mean, talk about "bring your family to work" day. Then, there was a dwarf porn star from Europe, who was a hit and a celebrity, with a pecker as big as he was, and participating in some of the most popular productions of his age. Then, there was the old hotshot stud with a Peter O'Toole swagger, a champion of gay porn. As some people should know, gay pornography actually pays better than straight pornography, so a lot of straight actors engage in it, such as that man: I remember him saying in an interview, while drinking wine from a comically oversized glass, that he "wouldn't take off a sock for US$ 200", in regards to what straight pornography pays. Another example of this was a man who used to bring his foreign girlfriend on set to give him advices on how to perform fellatio properly. Really. The guy was sucking dick... but at least he had a girlfriend. These stories are real... the stories of those we delete at our browsing history.

Then, there was the reality show about a porn director and his adventures in the adult industry. I'm pretty sure some people might have obscure memories about this one: it followed the director, his five-year-old son, his cartoonish foul-mouthed uncle and his mother, as well as random porn actresses fooling around, bungee-jumping topless and having fun. Sure much of the show was fabricated, but once again, it reminded us that behind - and ahead - of those cameras, there were human beings following a profession. And as I listened to stories such as these, I gained a much higher level of appreciation for those who engage on these activities.

I once read this Cracked article about a man's personal story directing a porno for the first time. It was much more genuine than the reality television show... and somewhat more graphic, despite having no imagery. Here's an excerpt from it:

We got to the studio and there was, of course, a Kid-Rock-looking guy sitting at an editing bay reviewing footage of a girl getting double teamed. No surprise there. (...) He was editing video of the girl in the room with us, Nicki Hunter. They introduced themselves as the owners of the studio. The guy editing the movie was Nicki's husband. The husband gave us a tour, and at the end of the trip he said, "do you have any questions?" Scott was a little naive. He raised his hand. "I got a question". The guy knew what was coming. "You're wondering about me and my wife?" "Don't you get jealous?" "No, not at all. It's just acting". We got back into the SUV with the French guy, who remarked, "I saw that guy's dick in her ass! That was not acting!"

In P.T. Anderson's Boogie Nights, Mark Wahlberg portrayed a young man, coming out from a broken household with an abusive mother and an absent father. He abandons this life in order to become porn star Dirk Diggler, almost as if he was leaving his old life behind. The movie can go from sly to bitter pretty fast, but it is so to cast a more humane image on these porn actors: they are people. They have feelings like you and me. A lot of people consider their business scum, constantly antagonising the porn industry as something corrupting society. But these people find belonging amongst themselves, almost like this weird family. Also from 1997, we had yet another brilliant film on a similar theme: the British classic The Full Monty. Feeling like a collaboration between Ken Loach and Monty Python, it was a brilliant social satire about morality versus need, as a group of unemployed men decides to strip it off to pay their bills. Those are films meant to show these individuals as... individuals. They don't exist for the sake of turning you on. They exist because we exist. They have bills to pay, and maybe families to feed.

Once, I saw a photo shoot with a girl I used to regularly see in internet porn videos... and she was pregnant. That completely shook me up, for I started to think about how her life was going to be after that. What she was going to say to her child at a certain age (if the child was allowed to know, that is). How her family was going to keep together. Maybe I'm overthinking this: maybe they'll be just fine. After all, it's just a job.

Here in DeviantArt, there's a whole discussion of what is and what is not pornography, of what is acceptable to be regarded as art. This subject has been debated by everybody: to many people, the very idea of pornography goes against art, since if it is porn, it cannot be art. Others, such as me, believe than something can have a sexual intent while still having artistic merits, such as In the Realm of the Senses or 9 Songs. Regardless if you like them or not as art, you have to agree they're art. There are many heated arguments about where the lines are drawn, but upon looking at some of these people, they seem to believe porn can have no value at all, ever. Well, for someone seeking for some pleasure, porn has more than enough value.

I do not see pornography as inherently denigrating to anyone who is involved to it, either as a watcher or as a maker. For it to be denigrating, it depends of how it is, but just inherently by itself, it doesn't make anyone less of a person. Man or woman. Gay or straight. Black or white (or Asian). Young or old. It is much more dignified than many practices out there, and by seeing my government today - falling apart with corruption, scandals and an eminent impeachment for our president - I can say there are life stories in the pornography industry much more dignified and maybe even more inspiring than those of some commanders in office. Those are real people, having real sex, exposing their utmost intimacy for our pleasure. I can respect that.

Sexuality should never be attacked like that, for sexuality is the very fundamental mechanism of human existence. It's what makes us both animals and humane.